Suggestions for Reducing Anxiety in Troubling Times

We are all facing something unprecedented right now with the current health crisis and many of us are scared. Perhaps most of us. How do we speak to our children in troubled times? Many are wondering.

Perhaps what is even more important than what we say is how we say it and what we convey. 

If your children are old enough to remember this, what they will remember is how their parents handled this. 
 
What do they need to know? They need to know you can take care of them, that you are in control and you know what you’re doing (even if you don’t feel that way!) Our young will always look to us, their parents and elders, to get a barometer read. Even if you are scared (which is normal and natural), how you come across is what is most relevant.
 
My son was 5 when 9/11 happened. I recall being so worried about what he would hear at kindergarten, what others might tell him. And while I kept the news off, and I recommend you do as well, I could not control what others might say at school. But it was his father and I who he looked to, who he took his cues from, to know if he was ok. Our children will face a number of events in their lives that throw society into a state of fear and sometimes panic. But if we are their compass points, we can help them find rest. Let this be a time when your children can rest in knowing their parents are okay. Like my son always tells me… “Mom, when you’re relaxed, so am I.”
 
When your children’s questions come up, speak simply and be matter-of-fact and don’t tell them more than they need to know. Remember to always answer their need - their need to know that you can take care of them no matter what. 
 
This is true even for our teens. They will see and hear much more in the news and we cannot control their exposure as easily. But being in charge in a calm, alpha way is good for our older kids too. 
 
Focus on your connection with them, rather than what could separate you from them. Saying things like: “This gives us time to be together”; “I’m glad we get time as a family right now” helps bring alarm down. We may not always feel this way! But we need to bluff it for their sake. 
 
And find a way to talk about your own fears, but not with them.
 
I recall a time when I was young and my mother had a sudden emergency with her third pregnancy. I was almost 4 years old. I can still remember the day it happened and while I don’t remember what she told me about what was occurring, I do remember how calm and kind and reassuring she was. I recall lying in bed beside her while she waited for the ambulance, feeling like it was all going to be okay. And even though she didn’t know if she or the baby would make it, she assured me with her presence of calm that everything would be fine. She has later since told me that it was because she didn’t want me to be scared that she managed to not panic and perhaps save her own life.
 
This crisis will pass. Reassure your children. Let them know you know what you’re doing. Follow protocol of hand washing and sanitizing, telling them that this is what needs to happen when sometimes we experience a lot of people getting sick. 
 
Find time to play. Lots of time to play. 
Create structures and routines to provide stability. 
Breathe - one of our most effective ways of grounding ourselves. 
 
Life will be quieter, and perhaps in many ways, more simple for a while. And that is the good part. 
 
We wish you good health and strong faith that you are your children's best bet.